The Fire that Drives me

I have had an amazingly inspiring week in Australia so far, and it has spurred up many feelings and thoughts.

My dance professors often tell me that whether I will make it as a dancer depends on if I have “the fire” or not, the passion and drive. They say this as experienced professionals who know the kind of commitment and effort it takes to reach audiences with their art.

Dance is a great love of mine, I might even say that for the past 5 years it has been my greatest love, but it is not the only love I have or want in my life.

I wrote these lyrics the other night in the tub after a long day of dance classes and rehearsing for my upcoming performance:

Here I am contemplating every thought i’ve ever owned

Every tear i’ve every shown

And if it was real

You lift me up onto a stage

Onto a platform of my own

Acting like I either have the fire or I don’t

Well I have fire

Too many fires to control

And they burn wild

So I get lost among the smoke

They say this is what fear is for

They say this is what fear is for

But I don’t wanna breathe if it means breathing

Empty air

In Twyla Tharp’s book, The Creative Habit she describes the kind of daily commitment it takes to be successful with art. Pick ONE art she says, the voice that is best for you, and don’t get caught up with your personal life.

The idea that I may not find a way to continue sharing my art with others now that I’ve graduated for college is scary. But I am not simply sitting on my hind legs pouting. I have plans and dreams and schemes that I intend to enact toward furthering my art.

But when I am told I need to have “the fire” I begin to doubt, do I have THE fire? I doubt because I have more fires than one, and I can’t seem to accept Twyla Tharp’s advice. I want love and family, I want to teach, I want to write, I want to dance, I want to promote animal rights, I want to help people to see a kinder world, I want to bring a sense of magic into the lives of others…. and I have to believe that these fires will find a way to fuel one another rather than spreading my fuel too thin.


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